Weekly Check in: Week 2 & Thinspiration

Hello readers! I had a pretty damn good week and I hope you did too!

I was a VERY good monkey, and stuck to my weight watchers plan like a champ. I went to the gym Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. I was going to go Saturday night, but I was just worn out. My feet and legs hurt because I'd pushed myself so hard the three previous days. Instead, I opted to take a long hot bath with epsom salts to soak away some of my soreness. I tossed in a few handfulls of some fancy bath salts that I bought as a reward for myself for sticking to my gym goal the week before, and it was just what the doctor ordered.

Zum bath salts from Whole Foods. $12 a pound, but sooooo worth it!
I picked up a smal bag of peppermint, and another of frankincense and myhrr.

I'm reminding myself not to overdo it. If I injure myself at the gym because I pushed too hard too fast, I won't be able to go at all. Shake it, don't break it, right? I need to stagger my gym days or something. One more thing to work on.  I've managed to get 8 hours of sleep almost every night this week, and eat breakfast most days, which is somewhat of a challenge for me because I've never been a big breakfast person, but I really can feel what a difference it makes in my day, I've started to realize that when I eat breakfast, even if it's just a bowl of cereal, I feel more awake and focused at work. I thought I was groggy because I wasn't getting enough sleep, but now that I am more rested, I'm seeing that I'm groggy because my blood sugar is low. Duh.

I didn't get to the gym Tuesday night, but I had a good excuse: 4th row tickets to Celine Dion at the Colosseum! Amazing show. The woman gives 110% and has one of the best sets of pipes in the business, in my humble opinion. On top of all that, I'm absolutely IN LOVE with the theater, the effects, and the lighting.



Celine closed the show with "My Heart Will Go On" surrounded by a shimmering curtain of water.
Stunning effect. Additionally, I want her dress. In my size.



I tried a few fun new recipes this week, some of which worked better than others. They might seem a little heavy or high in points, but they will also keep you full for a good while. Dinner tends to be the heaviest meal of my day, and I've been trying to cook and eat dinner before I go to the gym in the evenings, or I find myself eating dinner at 10pm, and then in bed two hours later, which isn't the best strategy for weight loss.



18 points
Pan fried Swai fish over whole wheat pasta with light alfredo, artichoke hearts, and organic broccoli. The fish was great. Swai is very light, like tilapia, with lots of protein and almost no fat. Fringe benefit: it doesn't stink up the house when you cook it like most fish does, which makes my vegetarian roommate VERY happy. The pasta was just alright. I really want to like whole wheat pasta, but I just don't. It's too fibrous and gummy.



15 points
I took the inspiration for this recipe from Claim Jumper. Their version has 1400+ calories
Baked sweet potato stuffed with blackened Jamaican jerked chicken, and a tangy relish of organic white corn, bell peppers, and onion. OMG, YUM! .

19 points - I need to lighten this one up, or just eat half of it. It was a lot of food.  
Leftover Jamaican jerked chicken with blanched organic broccoli and alfredo organic pasta. I love this pasta because it cooks up huge, and I feel like I'm getting a much bigger portion than I am. The cheese was a special treat from Whole Paycheck: a tiny block of "Cheeseland Ewephoria." No joke, that's what it was called. So good! http://cheeselandinc.com/ewephoria_aged.html

I'm having fun in the kitchen trying new things, eating LOTS of veggies, and using a lot less salt than I usually do.

In other news, I'm on a healthy lifestyle support forum, and a member there posted a link to a "Thinspiration" photo blog. The blog included pictures of lots of different women. Some were before and after shots of women who'd successfully lost their extra weight. Totally inspiring. Yet, these were sprinkled in among a huge gallery of very thin women, some of whom looked borderline anorexic. Many of them contained captions that were meant to be inspirational. Some of these were actually helpful, and some of them creeped me out, because of the unhealthy headspace I feel they encouraged, which seemed to me to base a girl's self worth on her dress size, and on what people think about her.

This one's not so bad, and I like the caption.

I get the sentiment, and we've all been there, but this one is on the borderline...

I'm not embarrased... should I be?

I figure I need all the focus and positive reinforcement I can get, right? So I started saving all the pics I could find in a file folder and decided that I would run them as a screen saver on my laptop. That way, when I'm busy on my work laptop, the slideshow would serve as a background focus. I collected a LOT of pictures, and after a day I found myself feeling down, and making negative comments in my head.

 I'd kill to look like that.

 Looking at them makes me want to eat nothing but celery and live at the gym.

Idon'twanttolooklikeafatslobanymoreohmygodI'mnevergoingtolooklikethatmylifesucksnoonewantstodateafatgirlWTFiswrongwithmeeeeeee?!?!?!?

STOP IT!!!

BAD MERMAID!!!

I know better than to start getting down on myself. I've fought that battle for years, and I KNOW that no good will come of that line of thinking. I started being honest with myself. I'm a size 22 and 31 years old,  I've never been small. I have stretch marks. I'm big enough that even if I'm able to lose ALL of the extra weight my skin will probably not bounce back all the way. There might be a little bit of extra skin, there might be a lot. Either way, no matter how hard I work, it's not realistic for me to expect to look like these girls. I will NEVER be an 18 year old size 2.

This whole "thinspiration" thing just wasn't doing the trick for me. Still, I wasn't going to give up on the concept, I just needed to go about it differently.

I started thinking about the people who inspire me. People I admire professionally and/or personally, and who's body transformations inspire me. Some of them were celebrities, (Adele, Jennifer Hudson, and Crystal Renn top that list) but most of them were friends. People who've lost weight the old fashioned way and looked damn good after. Turns out, I know a lot of these people! I sat down and made a list, and came up with at least 15 people that I know personally who took charge of their health and made it happen. They're not perfect paragons of virtue. They have real lives and battles that they face. Some of them have significant health issues, full time jobs, kids, and still managed to get it together. It didn't happen overnight for them, and it won't happen overnight for me.

What have they got that I don't have? Some magic pill? Nope. A fairy godmother? Not that I know of. They had a whole lot of focus, hard work, dedication, and a determination to stick with it and turn their goals into reality. After all of that, the conclusion I came to is that if they can do it, I can do it.

If you're reading this, and you're one of those people, thank you for being an inspiration to me.

I went back to the drawing board on the inspiration slide show thing. I started compiling pics of my celeb inspirations, inspirational quotes, and beautiful plus sized models. Did you know that the average plus size model is anywhere between a size 6 and a size 12? I feel like that's a more realistic goal.



It didn't happen overnight for Adele



She's always been pretty, but now she's a knockout!

Will I ever look like these women? Maybe. If I lose 100 lbs or so, hire a team of stylists and a professional photographer to shoot me and then edit the pics to show me in my best light. Ha!

Still, it's something to aspire to. Just in case you're curious, here's me at about 25 lbs less than I am now, at about 245 lbs. That was when I lost about 30lbs on Weight Watchers the first time around.  I don't really know what I'd look like if I was smaller. These are from about 5 years ago, but you get the idea.



The biggest piece of inspiration came in the pic below, and it had nothing to do with her dress size, and everything to do with her can-do attitude.

Athlete Aimee Mullins

“Born without fibulae in both legs, Aimee’s medical prognosis was discouraging; she was told she would never walk, and would likely spend the rest of her life using a wheelchair. In an attempt for an outside chance at independent mobility, doctors amputated both her legs below the knee on her first birthday. The decision paid off. By age two, she had learned to walk on prosthetic legs, and spent her childhood doing the usual athletic activities of her peers: swimming, biking, softball, soccer, and skiing, always alongside “able-bodied” kids.” http://npr.tumblr.com/post/15722348375/kqedscience-athlete-aimee-mullins-born

If she can do that, I can stick to my goals too. One day at a time. One week at a time.  

Weeks down: 2
Weeks to go: 50
Starting weight: 271.5
Current weight: 270.5

2012 weight loss: 1lb
2012 goal: 219.5
Starting BMI 40.00

Current BMI 39.90

Started WW on 11/28, @ 281.5 lbs 
Total loss: 11 lbs