Hello readers! I had a pretty damn good week and I hope you did too!
|Zum bath salts from Whole Foods. $12 a pound, but sooooo worth it! |
I picked up a smal bag of peppermint, and another of frankincense and myhrr.
I'm reminding myself not to overdo it. If I injure myself at the gym because I pushed too hard too fast, I won't be able to go at all. Shake it, don't break it, right? I need to stagger my gym days or something. One more thing to work on. I've managed to get 8 hours of sleep almost every night this week, and eat breakfast most days, which is somewhat of a challenge for me because I've never been a big breakfast person, but I really can feel what a difference it makes in my day, I've started to realize that when I eat breakfast, even if it's just a bowl of cereal, I feel more awake and focused at work. I thought I was groggy because I wasn't getting enough sleep, but now that I am more rested, I'm seeing that I'm groggy because my blood sugar is low. Duh.
|Celine closed the show with "My Heart Will Go On" surrounded by a shimmering curtain of water. |
Stunning effect. Additionally, I want her dress. In my size.
I took the inspiration for this recipe from Claim Jumper. Their version has 1400+ calories
Baked sweet potato stuffed with blackened Jamaican jerked chicken, and a tangy relish of organic white corn, bell peppers, and onion. OMG, YUM! .
|19 points - I need to lighten this one up, or just eat half of it. It was a lot of food. |
Leftover Jamaican jerked chicken with blanched organic broccoli and alfredo organic pasta. I love this pasta because it cooks up huge, and I feel like I'm getting a much bigger portion than I am. The cheese was a special treat from Whole Paycheck: a tiny block of "Cheeseland Ewephoria." No joke, that's what it was called. So good! http://cheeselandinc.com/ewephoria_aged.html
|I'm not embarrased... should I be?|
I figure I need all the focus and positive reinforcement I can get, right? So I started saving all the pics I could find in a file folder and decided that I would run them as a screen saver on my laptop. That way, when I'm busy on my work laptop, the slideshow would serve as a background focus. I collected a LOT of pictures, and after a day I found myself feeling down, and making negative comments in my head.
I'd kill to look like that.
Looking at them makes me want to eat nothing but celery and live at the gym.
I know better than to start getting down on myself. I've fought that battle for years, and I KNOW that no good will come of that line of thinking. I started being honest with myself. I'm a size 22 and 31 years old, I've never been small. I have stretch marks. I'm big enough that even if I'm able to lose ALL of the extra weight my skin will probably not bounce back all the way. There might be a little bit of extra skin, there might be a lot. Either way, no matter how hard I work, it's not realistic for me to expect to look like these girls. I will NEVER be an 18 year old size 2.
This whole "thinspiration" thing just wasn't doing the trick for me. Still, I wasn't going to give up on the concept, I just needed to go about it differently.
I started thinking about the people who inspire me. People I admire professionally and/or personally, and who's body transformations inspire me. Some of them were celebrities, (Adele, Jennifer Hudson, and Crystal Renn top that list) but most of them were friends. People who've lost weight the old fashioned way and looked damn good after. Turns out, I know a lot of these people! I sat down and made a list, and came up with at least 15 people that I know personally who took charge of their health and made it happen. They're not perfect paragons of virtue. They have real lives and battles that they face. Some of them have significant health issues, full time jobs, kids, and still managed to get it together. It didn't happen overnight for them, and it won't happen overnight for me.
What have they got that I don't have? Some magic pill? Nope. A fairy godmother? Not that I know of. They had a whole lot of focus, hard work, dedication, and a determination to stick with it and turn their goals into reality. After all of that, the conclusion I came to is that if they can do it, I can do it.
If you're reading this, and you're one of those people, thank you for being an inspiration to me.
I went back to the drawing board on the inspiration slide show thing. I started compiling pics of my celeb inspirations, inspirational quotes, and beautiful plus sized models. Did you know that the average plus size model is anywhere between a size 6 and a size 12? I feel like that's a more realistic goal.
|It didn't happen overnight for Adele|
|She's always been pretty, but now she's a knockout!|
Will I ever look like these women? Maybe. If I lose 100 lbs or so, hire a team of stylists and a professional photographer to shoot me and then edit the pics to show me in my best light. Ha!
Still, it's something to aspire to. Just in case you're curious, here's me at about 25 lbs less than I am now, at about 245 lbs. That was when I lost about 30lbs on Weight Watchers the first time around. I don't really know what I'd look like if I was smaller. These are from about 5 years ago, but you get the idea.
The biggest piece of inspiration came in the pic below, and it had nothing to do with her dress size, and everything to do with her can-do attitude.